The Pig and the Lion

Sam was a pig, the same kind you'd associate pigs with - pink and fat and lazy and rude and noisy and dirty. Whatever he lacked on the outside, he'd make sure there's less of it inside of him as well. As far as pigs go, Sam's the creme de la creme.

Sam's owners were so proud of their fine specimen of a fat, lazy, rude, noisy and dirty pig. They loved him so much they kept feeding him and feeding him and stuffing him silly. For you see, the more fat and lazy and rude and noisy and dirty he got, the easier it is for them to kill him.

But like all living things, Sam was not aware of his fate. In fact, he thought that his owners were feeding him so much because they loved him! He thought, "Hey, that fat man and his fat wife must love me so much because they feed me and tell me to get fatter!"

But the day came when the owners have need for Sam's pork. They took him to his pen, right up to the spot where they always feed him at. The happy pig followed, ready to be pampered once more.

As the enormous animal lowered his fat pampered head into the food bucket, he noticed a shiny metal object behind his owner's back. Thinking it was a silver bucket full of food, he continued to stuff his ignorant face.

The old farmer raised the axe and brought it down as hard as he could, but he missed because of his eye sight (for old people often miss the heads of animals they attempt to slaughter). This sent Sam sprawling across the farm, his food bucket in toll.

And so Sam escaped certain death.

Running with a bucket full of food is no mean feat, and it soon tired out the giant animal. Sam took to resting so that he can finish his food better. When there was no more food in the bucket, with even the smell of food gone, Sam got up and started to find a watering hole.

Alas, the obese farm animal's luck seemed to have run dry! At the watering hole is a fearsome lion, the King of the Beasts! The magnificent creature sat still as the lumbering calamity of a livestock approached the water.

Seeing how much bigger he is than the lion, he proceeded towards the water. (You see, Sam had not seen a lion before, much less know what they are capable of!)

Alex (that's the lion's name) looked on in curiosity, but when the pig got too close to his water he hissed.

Sam, appalled by the smaller animal's act of defiance, snorted rudely, "I want the water, small furry creature! Move aside and be on your way. There will be none left for you when I'm done!"

Alex raised his eyebrow (if lions had any) at the audacity of the fatso, but did not speak up.

The pig pushed his blubbery frame into the lion's face, but got shoved back by Alex's front paws. Enraged and used to getting his way, Sam squealed at the animal lying before him, "Look buddy, I'm doing you a favor now. Get the hell out or I'm going to bite you!"

He bared his herbivore teeth at Alex, chomping at the air to make his point.

Alex shrugged his shoulder and got up. The arrogant Sam proceeded to trot past the relented lion, giving him a small shove at the end of it.

As the enormous animal lowered his fat pampered head into the watering hole, he noticed a shiny object behind him. This time, he had no time to react, nor did the lion miss his mark.

And so Sam got what he deserved.